Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
two words...techno handjob
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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