I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
