so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
