I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
