im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she looked like the before picture.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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