My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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