I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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