i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
