i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
