Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize