no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize