Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
