I need help removing her.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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