I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
