Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
