Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
