I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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