Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
