8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
