I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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