sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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