Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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