She announced her abortion via fbk
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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