How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I deserve this hangover.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
