hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
