I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
