me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I had to cum in my sink.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
