proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
