In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
