He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
