My first STD was from a foam party
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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