I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
