Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
