I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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