I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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