i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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