Fine. I'll sleep in my office
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize