I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize