We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
