I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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