talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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