I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
