U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
