you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
