I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
