if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
