if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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