Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
