I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
