I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
