I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We got so high we made milksteak
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
