ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
