Don't make out with my wife yet
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
