if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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