Slut skills are useful in every country.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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