some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
