I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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