So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
