I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
