You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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