She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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