How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i came on her dog
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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