bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
