The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
