hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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