Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize