its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
