I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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