well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
