the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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