so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I am puke
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
