I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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