Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
