Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
